Christmas Fear
Christmas season is upon us.
For some a time of cheer, togetherness, cosy feels and all round joy.
For others a source of dread, grief, sadness, loneliness and anxiety.
If you are someone who struggles with this time of year because of the overwhelming socialising, expectant indulging and lower levels of motivation… then keep reading.
The Expectations of Christmas
Nibbley bits everywhere, mulled wine, tins of chocolates, cheese and crackers, roast dinners galore, mince pies, bubbly, baileys hot chocolate…. the list goes on.
Christmas gatherings, works Xmas do, family get togethers, Christmas Market visits, games nights, driving here there and everywhere to see everyone before the New Year so no one feels left out or offended…..
It’s no wonder that for some, the thought of the Christmas Season brings anxiety and exhaustion!
How to Navigate Noel
Learn to say no. - now this may feel like something you just can’t say at this time of year, especially if you are someone who doesn’t say it any time of the year. But you are more than allowed to say No. No to socialising that isn’t enjoyable or desirable for you, no to the 4th mince pie and mulled wine being offered, even no to cramming in seeing everyone in your family over the holidays. Give yourself permission to look after yourself rather than take you to the brink of burn out and reduce your ability to be present…. you might even enjoy the holidays more by removing the incessant people pleasing.
Give yourself the gift of Compassion - I know you’re fearful of over indulging and even expecting everything to go in the “Fuck it Bucket” so you can “start again” in the new year. This cycle isn’t helpful for anyone. The fact you live a life of restriction, with the “I’ll start again/cut all of that out/go harder” mindset, mixed in with the constant self criticism and “tough love” strategy, is why you jump from one extreme to the other and forever keep rinsing and repeating rather than finally finding your peace. So try, please try, to offer yourself some kindness and compassion this Christmas. Give yourself permission to enjoy yourself without guilt, communicate with yourself and listen to what you truly want and need, and be encouraging to yourself rather than critical. Improving your ability to do these things will mean you can so goodbye to the “New Year New Me” BS that will soon be rammed down your throat, as you finally learn to live life authentically rather than chasing happiness but never quite reaching it.
Offer yourself some Non-negotiables - now this one will only work fully if you use the previous two in alignment with it. Be honest, sensible, realistic and kind to yourself as you decide what your non-negotiables are. This is to help you keep moving forward but in a positive, unpressured, way. So maybe you decide you will get to the gym 3 times a week, or maybe you aim for 20minutes of movement a day, maybe you have 2l of water a day and veg/fruit at every meal or even maybe your non-negotiable is to spend the 30minutes before bed without screens…. whatever your non-negotiables are make sure they are the most doable things for you to achieve. The last thing you want is to set the bar too high and make yourself feel rubbish for not managing it. Anything additional that is achieved is a bonus, but these are the commitments you make to yourself from a place of self care and respect - not as a pressured expectation. I’d suggest giving yourself a max of 3 non-negotiables to keep you “committed/motivated”, and like I say anything on top is a bonus.
The Fuck it Bucket
I can guarantee a good 75% of you reading this will struggle with an all or nothing mindset, as it is something most of the people I work with (or even know tbh) struggle with. As I said above, a big reason you find yourself in the restrict-binge cycle and keep fearing the moments that could “de-rail” your progress is because you are living life in the extremes. And as scary as it is, if you give yourself permission to eat and drink anything you want, whenever you want, yes initially you might find yourself over-indulging and jumping to the extreme where the fear will greet you… but if you work on that self-compassion and communication, you will eventually find your way to a magical place. A place where you can say no to a piece of cake, not because you are on a diet but because you don’t actually fancy it. A place where you can say yes to a few biscuits, without fearing you will inhale the entire packet. Where a three course meal and drinks doesn’t instil dread in you and make you restrict throughout the rest of the day, or have you exercise to compensate for a higher calorie day - exercise just becomes a form or self-care and even something to enjoy.
Yes this place exists and it is possible for you to reach it, set up camp and live the rest of your days eating and exercising out of care and respect of your body and yourself, not fuelled by punishment, criticism, comparison and shame.
So take the first step towards this place by committing to throw away your fuck it bucket this Christmas.
Enjoy yourself, but check in if you are actually saying yes or no to things with compassion and understanding of yourself, not just because you’re thinking “Fuck it” or because you are people pleasing.
It wont happen overnight but if you can sprinkle in some patience you can finally move yourself away from the dread and anxiety this holiday can hold for you and instead simply create memories that will last a lifetime.
Wouldn’t that be wonderful.
Please reach out if you need any support <3
#Bettyoucan
